I couldn’t do it…. Yes Ryan i couldn’t…. I’m afraid….
i keep having these voices in my head telling me what to and what not to do…. I know it sounds insane…. I mean it is insane…. I finally came to my sense before i actually did do anything stupid. Rephrase further stupid….
i maybe stuck lying in the hospital bed for 2 reasons…. But that doesn’t mean i’ve to throw everything away just cause of one lady which i happen to call mom…. So what if she wants me dead? I came to my sense that if i actually gave her what she wants then that would mean she has a total control of me… Guess what? I’m here still here…. And i’m not going anywhere Ma….
i’m here! So what if i have a spreading tumor in my brain? So what if i have only 2years to live? So what if i have to do chemo?
i made a promise…. And i’m keeping it…. There’s 3 people i’d do anything for in this whole wide world…. Ili, Sophia and him…. Whose the him? When the time is right i’ll tell you….
i’m here! And i’m making a point to actually stay strong…. I’m making a point to wake up every morning and keep saying I’m still here…. These 3 people is the reason why I wake up every morning…. So yea….
i’m gonna get up tomorrow (that if i ever get to sleep tonight)…. Start my first ever chemo therapy session…. get discharged tomorrow afternoon…. And head back to work….
and Ryan! Don’t you ever dare call me stupid ever again! I will slap you…. Doesn’t matter if i’m being stupid! You call me stupid again…. I wont send you anymore stuff…. Haha
yes i do admit that i am confused at times…. Then i realise…. No matter what it is i have 3 people who i can really count on…. Where would i be without this 3….
i was just asking myself…. So what if Ma doesn’t cares? Yea i do admit it really gets to me at times…. You can’t really blame me…. I am sensitive…. Whose not? If Ma doesn’t care… She doesn’t care la…. At least i know someone else does? Do they? Well i think they do….
i was talking to Martin and according to him i’m handling this entire situation pretty well…. Do i? I have no idea…. I just know that its just tough at times….
i just wish things were just easier at times *sigh*
i never really did anything today…. I slept in…. Woke up bout 8am or something… Talked to this dude named Nick then went back to sleep…. At 11am almost noon i think…. My nephews just came running into my room and jumping on my bed asking me to get out of bed…. I was planning to head to Ili’s house but then Ma says i’ve to go for this horse riding thingy and it turned out that it was canceled! Argued with Ma…. Not like its an unusual thing…. While waiting for Ryan to get online I took a nap at bout 4.30…. Then he came online and that was one i started being stupid…. Sorry Ry! Promise it wont happen again….
what i’m trying to say is…. I’m here…. Still here…. Will be here and gonna be here… If some of you just hate it…. Then i guess you just gotta accept the fact i’m here…. You like it or no…. I’m gonna be here…. I’m fighting this thing…. And i know i’m not alone in this…. Thanks Ili, Ry and Sophia….
i love all of you! *mwah* for everyone 
xoxo
Ameera
ps: Ry, sorry for being stupid
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