My Dying Will January 31, 2008

Hey Y’ll….

i’d suggest that u read up my friends blog which is here with the post title of Your Dying Will.

Ili, i think its time i come clean to everyone. So let’s get to this. Though i’m afraid bout all of this i just think that this is it. This is the time I should tell everyone what exactly is going on.

to all of you,

the person that Ili refers who only has two years to live is me. Yes! Its me! I know some of you must be thinking what crap am i talking about. I’ll explain to you right this very moment. This is not easy for me. So forgive me for everything.

I have been diagnosed with brain tumor 2 weeks ago. And this hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve started therapy but like Ili said therapy isn’t enough and surgery isn’t promising enough as well. The first person i ever told about this was actually Ryan A. I just didn’t know what to do at that very moment. I felt so lost. I felt like my world was at the end of it. I felt so angry, upset, suicidal! I was pist! Why must it be me? Why? Without surgery, doctor has only given me roughly 2years to live. When he told me that, i just felt my world just crushed. The world that i dreamt of for my future was just gone in that split second. I didn’t know what to do. That was when i finally spill everything to Ryan. And his been a very great support since then. He advises me on how i should tell my friends. So i did it. I told Sophia, Mark, Ryan M, Ili, Sam, Nathan and now all of you. I was afraid that if i had told y’ll earlier that you people would ditch me. But i finally came to my sense that if the friends i think whose gonna stick by my side ended up ditching me cause of my diagnose, then i guess i should accept the fact that those friends are just the friends who are using me. Well in short, they’re not friends.

i know this is weird. Its hard for me. But all i’m asking is one chance. One chance of living my life. All i’m asking is your support. I can’t do this alone. I can’t get through all of this on my own. I thought i could but i honestly i can’t.

i’m really sorry for everything. I apologise for all my wrong doings. Please forgive me. I’m begging all of you. Please just please be with me. Help me get through this. I can’t do this on my own.

If only i could turn back time, i wouldn’t want any of this to happen. I know i haven’t really been such a good person or friend to some of you. I’m sorry. And i appreciate all of you. I know i sometimes call you names. But i want you to know that each and everyone of you have a special place in my heart, in my world. My little small world.

Ili, this is for you.

thank you so much dude. You’re the best person i’ve ever known. I look up to you. Thank you thank you thank you. I want you to know that you’re really special to me. You’re so important to me. I’m sorry for everything. I will cherish all the memories we had together.

Ryan A,
thank you so fucking much! I know i don’t know you that well but you’ve been really supportive to me. And i know this is weird. But you are one of the most important person for me now. Thanks a bunch dude. And sorry for everything.

yes i’m being emotional now. Just bare this with me.

Sophia,
one of the most awesomest girl. Babe u rock. Thanks so much.

David,
i’m really very sorry for everything. Just everything at all.

Harjeet,
thank you for sticking with me through all of this

Sam,
i’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier. I’m sorry i kept this from you. Thank you so much for being very supportive. I’ll always remember you.

Adrian,
dude!!! Lol! Coming to think of it, you still owe me coffee. Dude, i’m really sorry for everything. Forgive me. Please forgive me if i ever did anything wrong to you. And thanks so much for everything. Your one of the most craziest person i’ve ever met.

Amelia,Ashikin, Hitakshi, Dila and the rest of the girls,

i’m very sorry for everything. Forgive me. I would never forget anyone of you. I’m sorry for not telling you this directly. I’m sorry for all the craps i gave to you. Thank you so much. You’ve thought me so much.

Ryan M,
2 words for you. THANK YOU!

Mark,
thank you thank you thank you!

finally my parents,
ma and pa,
i know i may have been your biggest mistakes of life. I didn’t plan for this to happen. I never ever wanna burden you. Please forgive me for everything. I wont force you to accept me. All i’m asking is your forgiveness. I seek for your forgiveness. Please forgive me for everything. Please forgive me for being the mistake.

I’m sorry but i don’t think i can carry on with this post. I’m sorry that it has to be this way. I’m sorry for everything. I wish things were just different. And thank you for reading this. Once again, i’m really sorry for everything. I’m sorry for being so emotional bout this. Take care everyone. Life is still going on for me. And i thanked all of you from the bottom of my heart for everything. Just everything at all.

i love all of you.

seeking forgiveness,
Ameera