My Dying Will January 31, 2008

Hey Y’ll….

i’d suggest that u read up my friends blog which is http://washburnisagirl.wordpress.com with the post title of Your Dying Will.

Ili, i think its time i come clean to everyone. So let’s get to this. Though i’m afraid bout all of this i just think that this is it. This is the time I should tell everyone what exactly is going on.

to all of you,

the person that Ili refers who only has two years to live is me. Yes! Its me! I know some of you must be thinking what crap am i talking about. I’ll explain to you right this very moment. This is not easy for me. So forgive me for everything.

I have been diagnosed with brain tumor 2 weeks ago. And this hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve started therapy but like Ili said therapy isn’t enough and surgery isn’t promising enough as well. The first person i ever told about this was actually Ryan A. I just didn’t know what to do at that very moment. I felt so lost. I felt like my world was at the end of it. I felt so angry, upset, suicidal! I was pist! Why must it be me? Why? Without surgery, doctor has only given me roughly 2years to live. When he told me that, i just felt my world just crushed. The world that i dreamt of for my future was just gone in that split second. I didn’t know what to do. That was when i finally spill everything to Ryan. And his been a very great support since then. He advises me on how i should tell my friends. So i did it. I told Sophia, Mark, Ryan M, Ili, Sam, Nathan and now all of you. I was afraid that if i had told y’ll earlier that you people would ditch me. But i finally came to my sense that if the friends i think whose gonna stick by my side ended up ditching me cause of my diagnose, then i guess i should accept the fact that those friends are just the friends who are using me. Well in short, they’re not friends.

i know this is weird. Its hard for me. But all i’m asking is one chance. One chance of living my life. All i’m asking is your support. I can’t do this alone. I can’t get through all of this on my own. I thought i could but i honestly i can’t.

i’m really sorry for everything. I apologise for all my wrong doings. Please forgive me. I’m begging all of you. Please just please be with me. Help me get through this. I can’t do this on my own.

If only i could turn back time, i wouldn’t want any of this to happen. I know i haven’t really been such a good person or friend to some of you. I’m sorry. And i appreciate all of you. I know i sometimes call you names. But i want you to know that each and everyone of you have a special place in my heart, in my world. My little small world.

Ili, this is for you.

thank you so much dude. You’re the best person i’ve ever known. I look up to you. Thank you thank you thank you. I want you to know that you’re really special to me. You’re so important to me. I’m sorry for everything. I will cherish all the memories we had together.

Ryan A,
thank you so fucking much! I know i don’t know you that well but you’ve been really supportive to me. And i know this is weird. But you are one of the most important person for me now. Thanks a bunch dude. And sorry for everything.

yes i’m being emotional now. Just bare this with me.

Sophia,
one of the most awesomest girl. Babe u rock. Thanks so much.

David,
i’m really very sorry for everything. Just everything at all.

Harjeet,
thank you for sticking with me through all of this

Sam,
i’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier. I’m sorry i kept this from you. Thank you so much for being very supportive. I’ll always remember you.

Adrian,
dude!!! Lol! Coming to think of it, you still owe me coffee. Dude, i’m really sorry for everything. Forgive me. Please forgive me if i ever did anything wrong to you. And thanks so much for everything. Your one of the most craziest person i’ve ever met.

Amelia,Ashikin, Hitakshi, Dila and the rest of the girls,

i’m very sorry for everything. Forgive me. I would never forget anyone of you. I’m sorry for not telling you this directly. I’m sorry for all the craps i gave to you. Thank you so much. You’ve thought me so much.

Ryan M,
2 words for you. THANK YOU!

Mark,
thank you thank you thank you!

finally my parents,
ma and pa,
i know i may have been your biggest mistakes of life. I didn’t plan for this to happen. I never ever wanna burden you. Please forgive me for everything. I wont force you to accept me. All i’m asking is your forgiveness. I seek for your forgiveness. Please forgive me for everything. Please forgive me for being the mistake.

I’m sorry but i don’t think i can carry on with this post. I’m sorry that it has to be this way. I’m sorry for everything. I wish things were just different. And thank you for reading this. Once again, i’m really sorry for everything. I’m sorry for being so emotional bout this. Take care everyone. Life is still going on for me. And i thanked all of you from the bottom of my heart for everything. Just everything at all.

i love all of you.

seeking forgiveness,
Ameera

DECIDE WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU CAUSE NO ELSE CAN January 29, 2008

Hello all!

As many of u are probably aware by now, my blog is not the blog to read if you’re looking for an intelligent political or economic debate.

no matter how bad a parent he or she may be, they’re still parents and parents know best, so we should all just shut up and be grateful for the wisdom they bestow upon us. After all, their time is precious, isn’t it?
But in the meantime, we kids have grown up a little and have realised certain truths about bad parents that don’t necessarily agree with us.
Our allowances suck, they don’t answer our calls but get upset if we don’t answer theirs.

We invite them to events that are important to us and they shut us up by saying they’ll be there but cancel at the last minute and expect us to understand.

Parents can get very busy, you see, and we’re just kids so we shouldn’t give them too much hassle, even if they do fall asleep at our parent-teacher association meetings.

Actually wait, now that I think about it, there is no excuse for bad parenting. But we put up with it anyway, and why?

Why do we do that? Is it because we’re afraid? Afraid of what? Being punished? Getting canned?

Maybe, but that doesn’t make much sense either, because that never stopped us from making waves in classrooms back at school.

We, sometimes, misbehavee knowing that we’d get punished for it. We played truant, gave school the bird, and went off to malls, knowing full well that there would be hell to pay if we got caught.

But we did it anyway. Yes, we did. And gosh, did we feel cool! So what’s happened? Where’s our guts? Our edge, that burning desire to live our lives our way despite how the rules tell us we should live it?

Could it be because we can no longer tell the difference between rules that exist to protect us, and rules that exist to restrict us. Think about it, why do rules exist?

Take a moment to think about the rules you find at a swimming pool. Then, take another moment to think about the rules you find at a five-star restaurant. Between the two, which makes more sense?

A rule that tells you not to play in the deep end? Or a puke that threatens to not serve you if your shirt doesn’t have a collar?

i’m talking about bad parents, but at the same time, i’m not.

And that’s about as big a hint as I’m going to give you, because we live in a society of rules. And it is our duty not as Malaysians, but as human beings to decide for ourselves, what rules exist for us and what rules exist for others.

But i suppose you could argue that such thinking can also lead to anarchy and it can, and that in itself is as dangerous as bad parenting. But anarchy arises from a need to be heard.

What justification can bad parenting claim? Don’t misunderstand me, i’m not saying that we should start a fight, because rarely has there been a fight that has resulted in anything good.

I try not to get into fights or arguements and there’s a good reason for that- because I’ve grown up. I believe we’re all nature enough, and no longer be the directionless children we used to be.

We’ve evolved.

It’s necessary to question our parents, because I’ve come to learn over the years that sometimes, our parents are just as frustrated and confused as we are.

They never intended to be bad parents, or to push us away or to restrict us from being ourselves. It just turned out that way.

Just as we didn’t grow up intending to hate those above us, those with power to dictate what we can see or say or think or do.

It was never meant to be this way, and for that reason alone, we must be understanding of the dilemmas we face as children, as adults and most importantly, as parents.

I don’t know for sure, if any of this makes sense. Maybe some of it does and if that’s the case, then great. Take what little of it makes sense to you and use it.

But use it wisely, because we only get one shot at it, and it lasts our whole lives. Does that make sense? You tell me.

i know this may be just crapy to some of you. But this was what i thought. Thanks for reading and yes Ryan’s still a weirdo! Haha!

xoxo
Ameera

Ameera says: yes another crapy post from me :) January 29, 2008

Howdy everyone!

i would like to start off my post by saying Ryan A is a stinkhead…. Haha…. Kidding…. Lol! Ok ok…. Its a tuesday…. Which means there’s 4 more days till Switchfoot…. There are still tickets for sale for those of u who haven’t purchase it yet. U can get ur tickets from ticket access by calling 0377115000… I think that’s the number lol…. Get ur tickets asap k? One of the must see shows this year….

besides that, Fly fm will be interviewing the boys from Switchfoot this Friday from 6-8pm…. So tune in….

what i’m stressing here is get ur tickets to the show before its sold out… There will be meet and greet sessions after the concert…. Who knows one of u people might be lucky to get up close and personal with the boys themselves…. There’s no private party this time…. Sorry…. Blame Wei Meng…. Haha

what else to tell u people ar? Oh the monkey Mark is still alive…. Mark…. Me want dvd’s…. Lol

i finally watched The Golden Compass on dvd…. Its not that bad la…. I still don’t get the whole big fuss bout this movie…. Its just a movie la…. Ish ish ish….

and yes yes…. Adrian’s not going to Manila…. Haha…. Chinese New Year is next week…. Yay…. Angpows…. Lol…. Denise if ur reading this…. Me want angpows…. Haha….

oh oh…. Please pretty please please please stop with the whole thank you, thanks, ty, thanx, tq, terima kasih or whichever word that has the same meaning…. Stop saying it to me…. I’ll baling(throw) you if u say that to me…. Lol…. And no sorry’s either…. Haha…. Lol….

i miss my nieces and nephews…. Haven’t really been spending time with them…. Been caught up with work and stuff…. Sorry kids…. I’ll make it up to u people….

i wanna go watch movie…. Anyone wants to tag along? Ili? Let’s go watch Meet The Spartans? Lol

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner lol…. I’m free on that day…. I’m not spending it alone…. I’m planning to go out with my fwenzys… My babes la…. After all we’re all single…. Except Amelia…. Ashikin? Not sure…. Lol… Doesn’t mean Valentine’s Day should only celebrated by couples in love…. That is so so wrong…. Lol…. i should stop here for now…. I’m looking forward for my next post…. I’ve already started working for it…. Its already half way thru…. Should be done and it should be up by tomorrow k? Till then all u people take care….

mwah for everyone

ciao

xoxo
Ameera

ps: Ryan is a WEIRDO! Haha…. Lol…. Jk

My Awesome Weekend January 28, 2008

Hello….

last weekends report:

saturday….
As usual woke up in the morning head to work…. After work, i went home first…. Changed…. Then i went off to Ili’s place before heading off for the Quicksilver Revolution Tour 2008…. Traffic was massive…. Crowd wise was awesome…. This year we had roughly 15 thousand people at this event…. Pop Shuvit played a set of their songs…. My fav is def MARABAHAYA! Then lastly they played Ili’s fav which is SKATERS ANTHEM…. It rained heavily after that…. Everyone was running around looking for shelter…. Me and Ili decided to go off to Sunway Pyramid…. We went and have dinner…. We were soaking wet cause of the rain not cause of playing around at Sunway Lagoon…. Sunway Lagoon is a water theme park actually…. So yea…. overall…. I prefered the 2006 Quicksilver Revolution Tour event…. But job well done for this year

i slept over at Ili’s place…. I finally told her everything…. Thanks Ryan A(too many ryan’s…. Differentiate with their last name initials) U were right and Ili! Thanks dude…. For sticking with me….

sunday
woke up…. Had breakfast…. Nasi Lemak to be precised…. It was spicy…. Really spicy…. Then took shower…. Me, Ili, and Ili’s mom went off to Bangsar Village Shopping Centre…. Bought some cloths at Zara…. Thanks Ili then we went off downstairs where Ili’s mom wanted to buy some groceries…. But both me and Ili went roaming around and we found the perfume section…. We bought the Adidas for women perfume…. We thought it would cost us a bomb but it didn’t before grocery shopping we ate at Fish&Co…. And yes Ili i’m allergic to calamari… Lol…. Before heading back to Ili’s place, we had ice cream first then it was off to her place again I went off home at 6…. My cousin came by to my place at 8something…. Went out again…. Lol…. Shopping again…. Bought two more shirts then went off for seafood…. Got home at 11something….

i had a really awesome weekend…. Pictures coming soon thank you so much Ili…. Say thanks to your mom too i really had an awesome weekend

coming up this weekend…. Is Switchfoot! Yeah baby…. Woohooo…. will report on that as well

ciao

xoxo
Ameera

ps: yes i have a crush on someone

CRAPT!!!!!! January 26, 2008

When it comes down to relationships..

I think what everyone wants is companionship. It’s.. well not (mostly) about the sex

but if you constantly have someone (other than your friends) you’re left with

the feeling of contentment by the end of the day.

What is love then?

Do you text the one person everyday and every hour until you feel the attachment and decide

it’s love because your ‘other half’ feels the same way?

Or does it go beyond that? Is missing someone the sign of love?

You care for them, is THAT love?

I think many of us misinterpret the true meaning of love.

When you look at your parents, you see love in their eyes,

do you see the same with your so-called spouse? you have the answer.

xoxo

Ameera

LOVE and FRIEND January 26, 2008

Once upon a time, there were two friends,

LOVE and FRIEND, who was walking around the village.

Suddenly, LOVE fell into a well. Why? Because.. LOVE IS BLIND.

And then, FRIEND jumped into the well. Why? Because..

FRIEND would do anything in the name of LOVE! In the well, LOVE got lost.

Why? Because.. LOVE is discreet, easy to be lost if not nurtured, difficult to find,

especially in the dark.

Whilst FRIEND is still looking for LOVE and is waiting. =/

FRIEND IS LOYAL and will continue to be FAITHFUL.

Finally! One long post…. Lol…. January 25, 2008

Howdy peeps!

lol….. That’s pretty random there…. Haha…. Omg! I just realise…. I haven’t been posting such long post anymore lol…. Well lets make this one a little longer alright? I’ve so much to tell but not sure where to start…. Haha….

let’s start with switchfoot! Yup…. Its next saturday…. Switchfoot live in KL is next saturday…. Can’t wait lol…. And this saturday is most definatly The Quicksilver Revolution Tour in Sunway Lagoon…. I’m most definatly going…. And Ili is too…. Lol

Last Thursday was A public holiday…. But i had to work whatever it is i had fun on thursday…. Cause i got to ‘makan makan’… Lol being the food freak that i am…. It was simply delicious…. Lol…. I had chinese and western on that day…. I was full lol….

yes yes…. My buddy is back…. Ben is fucking back…. Let’s just hope he doesn’t go missing anymore lol…. Its good to have u back Ben ….

i’d like to personally thanked my other buddy name ryan…. This dude is awesome…. Lol…. A little weird lol…. We spent almost 45 mins on the phone…. And i confused him a lot…. Haha…. It was fun annoying ryan…. Lol! And oh oh get well soon weirdo! Haha….

i wanna go makan makan la next sunday…. Lol…. Planning stuff with my friends for next sunday…. Lunch la…. What else…. Not sure where yet…. Haha

oh oh i freaked sophia out…. Sorry babe…. Didn’t mean for it to happen…..

and Mark…. How can i forget bout this monkey…. Haha…. Lol…. We both had nothing to do…. So we were actually annoying each other…. Walalalalalala…. Lol….

Denise! If ur reading this…. I’m alive lol…. Still alive…. So don’t treat me like as if i’m already dead…. Haha…. Women! Lets go shopping for cny want?

and yes yes…. Adrian lol…. He’s gonna be away for 3 months…. Good luck dude

i’m starting my old habits back again…. Being addicted to coffee! Lol…. At least once a day…. Its a must for me! Lol

what else ar? Hmmm…. *thinking* lol oh yes…. DILA!!! I want pictures la babe….. Send it to me la….. Ish ish ish….

and yes yes…. I’ve been getting this whole what’s the meaning of the word ‘la’…. Ok firstly…. There aint no meaning for it…. Malaysians are mostly famous for using la or ma behind a sentence…. Its like how are you la…. And stuff like that…. Just don’t use it behind every sentence then it gets annoying lol…. And don’t use la behind lol…. Like lol la…. That doesn’t sound nice lol

damn la…. I miss school lol…. I miss my friends and all lol…. Wherever u people are…. Hit me up sometimes aight? Lol

i just realise that i’m actually turning freaking 18 lol…. can’t wait lol…. Time does fly fast

that’s enough for now…. I’ll try to update my blog more often now…. I’m starting to get lazy lol…. Ok dudes and dudetes…. Take care…. Ciao!

xoxo
ameera

Drinks Served In Different Shapes of Glasses January 24, 2008

hey y’ll!

recently, i went makan makan in this restaurant i KL…
for those of you who don’t know what makan is…

it means eat…. the food is just simply delicious…..

but u gotta checkout their drinks… why?

firstly, they have some weird drinks that u may think it never exist…

second…. thy serve drinks in different and unique shape of glasses….

i manage to take only few pictures…. so have a look and see what i mean….

take care… CIAO!

xoxo

Ameera

ALIVE!!! January 22, 2008

say this with me…. A-L-I-V-E…. ALIVE!! yes ben is alive. he’s back and kicking….
after 4 months of going missing….. he is finally back…. go ben!!!!! wooohooo…..lol….its good to have u back ben… ben is my buddy… one of my closest buddy… yay ben!!!!sorry in a hyper mood now….and oh Quicsilver revoulution tour is
this saturday… can’t wait… going with ili… and ili!!!! switchfoot is in 2 weeks…. lol…. yay!ok… congrats to the malaysian band POP SHUVIT!!!! they’re touring with My Chemical Romance… around asia…
Pop Shuvit is the official opening act for MCR’S tour in asia… congrats guys….make malaysia proud alritey?
and oh they’re also performing at Quicsilver Revolution Tour this Saturday..looking forward to that…
and i realise i’m finally updating my blog…for those of u who knows what’s going with me…
its ok dun worry…
i need all the support i can get from all of u…. thank u so much all of u….MARK finally got facebook…. haha…. lmao!!!!! telling him to do this and that on his facebook… Mark dun forget to invite me for ur wedding ar…… lol i should stop here…. lol… will post stuff up soon…..

xoxo

Ameera

bored January 15, 2008

*sigh*…. i’m bored… seriously… i’m at work ryte now and
its so freaking bored…thank god ili came online…
at least i have someone to talk to… lol… sam!!!! did u have to leave???? get on now!!!! lol…*screams*……. that’s how bored i am….  i don’t really have anything to say…i hope ili,
amelia and takshi is having fun since they started college… and yes amelia…
end of the month i belanja all of you ok???
i had nothing to do today… and ryte now i’m craving for cupcakes…
Ili…bake one for me… lol….
so ryan’s new song is out… can’t wait for his new album… honestly….he looks terrible now…
he looks like johnny depp…. no offence to anyone….
but i prefer the old ryan with his huge gigantic hair style… hehe….
i wanted to tell of you something but i forgot what was it… sorry!! maybe next time… lol..
take care all…

xoxo

ameera